Haze

Chiara Bruzzi/ November 6, 2020/ Guest Writers, Mindset/ 3 comments

By: Sebastian Giugovaz

“If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next, don’t be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path toward happiness; don’t waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes, because you’ll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart… where your hope lives. You’ll find your way again.”
-Everwood

It’s a peaceful Friday night. I sit back in a chair in my backyard, listening to the nocturnal ambiance that surrounds me: the song of the crickets, the breeze that wooshes through the trees, the eerie silence of the moon. For me, it is a time of introspection, a time to immerse myself in thought. I dig deep within myself, but I encounter a fog in my mind, a blur. Like a camera lens trying to focus, I try to understand and visualize my purpose in this life, what I want to do with my future. In a time where change is imminent, knowing what you want is crucial, so society says. The pressures of a 17-year-old adolescent choosing the next step in his life, the rapid change from boy to man, and the expectations set for him by others, all swirl in my head, creating a typhoon of concern and fear. As I attempt to keep this storm of emotions at bay, I continue to encounter this murkiness. I have no idea what I want to do or what the future has in store for me. No matter how hard I try, I can’t visualize a clear path in my life. Yes, there are fragments that I can envision, but the big picture is a mysterious blur. Indecisiveness swells within me, something that would worry many. This notion of uncertainty concerned me initially, but after a conversation with someone very close to me, I realized that I am just a kid. I don’t need to know what I am going to do at the age of 25, 30, or 40. It is simply too early for me to visualize this. My interests will change, my thoughts will develop, and my ambitions will grow. I soon realized that I am not alone in these feelings. Many of my friends, some even older than me, feel the same way. Society pressures the youth that brings stress and worries, but everyone’s ideas and visions mature at their own pace, like fruit in ripening. I just have to hold on and enjoy the ride. This does not mean leaving everything for granted, though. One always has to be attentive to their stimuli and goals and never lose focus on what is essential. I have learned to cope with this indecisiveness, deciding to throw myself into life, letting it take me. An unnerving, but conducive feat, as I think that it will bring me clarity as I continue on this journey. I, a vagabond of the mind, am letting the currents of life push me in any given direction so that I will be able to navigate them with certainty and precision one day. I am placing my future in wherever life takes me, but I am doing this in an observant manner, looking out for anything that catches my eye, anything that inspires me to grow. I know that this haze in my mind will one day turn into an aurora borealis, a surge of beauty and passion. If you are reading this and relate to this feeling, embrace the present, enjoy the beauty of life, and follow your heart. Know that you are not alone, and that time will take its course to mold you into the best person you can be.