A Broken-hearted Girl’s Thoughts on Grief
By: Isabella Farina
Grief is like the ocean,
It comes in waves; it is never-ending, it is mysterious, you never really know what you’re going to encounter or how.
Grief is transparent,
It shows you how raw, how painful, and how engulfing it can be.
Grief is greedy,
It comes all the time, demanding your full attention and claiming your whole self.
Grief is destructive,
It comes silently yet affects everything in its path, even your parents, who you always thought were indestructible, who you thought never cried, who you thought were much stronger than you.
Grief is demanding,
It not only makes you mourn the life lost but also the ghost of the person you once were, the family you were before tragedy struck.
Grief is sneaky,
It comes out of nowhere, whenever it pleases (we were enjoying a quiet Saturday at home when it showed up on our doorstep).
Grief is everlasting,
It makes it known to you that it now has a permanent residence in your life, and it entails you having to carry this scar for the rest of your time here.
I am trying my best to carry this with grace and strength, but I’ve learned that most days start with tears before I can get out of bed. I learned that seeing my family hurting hurts the most. I learned that the engulfing pain and sadness can come out of nowhere when someone on the street laughs like he did when our song comes on when a girl and her two brothers walk past me. I can’t help but feel a sort of resentment for those who still have two brothers, an older and a younger one like I did. This makes me feel guilty, but it’s the truth. I know that time heals, but as the initial shock of this tragedy lessens, a new type of pain has settled in, and it’s overwhelming me. The settling of the idea that I will never see him again, that I have to accept the millions of conversations that will never occur, and the events that he will not attend, it’s a lot. Grief definitely humbles you.
All of this is simple because the number one quality about grief is its complexity. This is something you never understand until it happens to you. Until you lose a life that should have never left this early.